Hello Sisters!
So later today I'm going to a happy hour. I've been invited by my doula. She and I hit it off right away and even though she's seen allllllll of me, we're still cool- and that's cool so I'd thought I'd meet her friends.
Here's the thing. These social situations bring out the utmost introversion in me. Kianna and Kira may not get this, but Didi, you know that feeling where instead of a flower blooming it's like you're curling inside of yourself? I forget how to have an adult conversation. I forget to ask questions, I say weird things and I START TO SWEAT.
I'd say I'm moderately introverted. While around family, close friends, or small (1-4 people) groups I'm totally fine. I feel like I can be myself. I feel like I'm actually someone people might want to hang out with. Heck even when I'm on stage (only when I'm singing) I'm cool. But once it's a crowd, I become the fly on the wall, except I don't fly around and talk to people. I become paralyzed. A paralyzed fly.
There was this one time when I first moved to CO and an acquaintance from college invited me to her Christmas party with all her girlfriends. I think it would have been so much fun if I wasn't so WEIRD. Because I got so nervous, I just sat, in one spot. The whole time. I managed to talk to one girl who was sitting next to me, but she eventually got up because WHO WOULD WANT TO TALK TO THE WEIRD NON-TALKING girl?! Ask me if I've been invited again...
BUT, I need to make some mom friends. Thomas needs to be around other little people. I need to talk about what it's like to be a mom to more people than my own mom. I want to have play dates and meet someone who will meet up with me at 11 am to go running, strollers and all. I've been told to find "mom" groups, but every time I think I've mustered up the courage to go for it, introversion takes over and I just caaaaaaan't. So lame, but it's real. So, since Jenna asked me to meet up with her peeps, I feel as though knowing her will at least get me there and if they're anything like her, there's a good chance I might hit it off with them too.
BUT THEN I HAVE TO TALK TO PEOPLE. Because I can't just be that girl that doesn't leave the host alone. The parasite girl, you know the one? What if I start sweating? What if I get nervous poops? Funny thing is, I used to help plan Happy Hours for a past job. You'd think this would be no big deal. NOT. I used to hide behind the "planner" and use that as an escape. Now, I suppose I could go and change Thomas' diaper every time I start to freak out in my head... but then he'd be getting about 15 new diapers in an hour time period. So, that won't work. No, I just need to put my big girl pants on ( not mom jeans because, ew) and put myself out there.
Hey guys, want to be my friend?
Sister Love,
Lindsay
So later today I'm going to a happy hour. I've been invited by my doula. She and I hit it off right away and even though she's seen allllllll of me, we're still cool- and that's cool so I'd thought I'd meet her friends.
Here's the thing. These social situations bring out the utmost introversion in me. Kianna and Kira may not get this, but Didi, you know that feeling where instead of a flower blooming it's like you're curling inside of yourself? I forget how to have an adult conversation. I forget to ask questions, I say weird things and I START TO SWEAT.
I'd say I'm moderately introverted. While around family, close friends, or small (1-4 people) groups I'm totally fine. I feel like I can be myself. I feel like I'm actually someone people might want to hang out with. Heck even when I'm on stage (only when I'm singing) I'm cool. But once it's a crowd, I become the fly on the wall, except I don't fly around and talk to people. I become paralyzed. A paralyzed fly.
There was this one time when I first moved to CO and an acquaintance from college invited me to her Christmas party with all her girlfriends. I think it would have been so much fun if I wasn't so WEIRD. Because I got so nervous, I just sat, in one spot. The whole time. I managed to talk to one girl who was sitting next to me, but she eventually got up because WHO WOULD WANT TO TALK TO THE WEIRD NON-TALKING girl?! Ask me if I've been invited again...
BUT, I need to make some mom friends. Thomas needs to be around other little people. I need to talk about what it's like to be a mom to more people than my own mom. I want to have play dates and meet someone who will meet up with me at 11 am to go running, strollers and all. I've been told to find "mom" groups, but every time I think I've mustered up the courage to go for it, introversion takes over and I just caaaaaaan't. So lame, but it's real. So, since Jenna asked me to meet up with her peeps, I feel as though knowing her will at least get me there and if they're anything like her, there's a good chance I might hit it off with them too.
BUT THEN I HAVE TO TALK TO PEOPLE. Because I can't just be that girl that doesn't leave the host alone. The parasite girl, you know the one? What if I start sweating? What if I get nervous poops? Funny thing is, I used to help plan Happy Hours for a past job. You'd think this would be no big deal. NOT. I used to hide behind the "planner" and use that as an escape. Now, I suppose I could go and change Thomas' diaper every time I start to freak out in my head... but then he'd be getting about 15 new diapers in an hour time period. So, that won't work. No, I just need to put my big girl pants on ( not mom jeans because, ew) and put myself out there.
Hey guys, want to be my friend?
Sister Love,
Lindsay
Yeah, I really don't enjoy being around people that I don't know well. I finally just accepted it and stopped feeling like there was something "wrong" with me. I have very few close friends, but I've found that's all I really need and having more friends or relationships won't make me a better person.
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